With Or Without You
by Boyfrom0z
Summary: Kyouya's life is ruined the day he sees Tamaki and Haruhi kissing. Kyouya's unrequited love is killing him and his judgment. A little Tamaki/Haruhi & mostly unrequited Kyouya/Tamaki. T for the BL themes and a some language.
1. Chapter 1

**Note:** This was inspired by the U2 song "With or Without You"

Kyouya could barely remember the last time he'd truly cried. He'd been just a child then, just a small, lost child and no one had comforted him then either.

Now, standing by the doorway to the Third Music Room with four of his fellow hosts, he too stunned to even feel the prickling behind his eyes. They'd come looking for Tamaki and Haruhi and they'd found the two, alone, in the large, empty room. She was still in his arms even though they'd pulled their lips apart the moment they'd heard the door open. The twins were smirking as if to say "finally!" and Hunny was making happy, chirping noises that might have been laughter, and Mori was smiling his slight smile. Kyouya, however, stood stock still, his mouth slightly open and his eyes wide. It wasn't until he saw Tamaki's sheepish smiled fall into a look of concern that he became aware enough to feel the tears sliding down his checks.

"Are you Okay, Kyouya?" Tamaki asked, releasing Haruhi and taking a few uncertain steps towards his fellow hosts.

Kyouya didn't know what to do - or even what he wanted to do. He didn't know if he wanted to say "yes" and smile and push up his glasses or if he wanted to scream "no!" and tell Tamaki how he felt or if he wanted to turn and walk out of the host club forever or if he wanted to scream at Tamaki for betraying him and hit him across the face or if he wanted to just stand there frozen forever and never face the world again.

"Kyouya?" All the hosts were looking at him now and Haruhi was following Tamaki towards him.

Kyouya raised a hand to his face, pushing up his glasses and brushing the tears away in the same, fluid movement. He then smiled ever so slightly at Tamaki and Haruhi.

"Something in my eye," he said with a shrug. "You do know that we've got a ballroom full of people we're supposed to be hosting right now, don't you?" he asked returning to his usual business-like self.

"Yeah, come on Tama-chan," chirped Hunny. "We were looking and looking and looking for you."

"Right, of course," said Tamaki who was clearly flustered. He brushed his hair out of his eyes. "After you," he said, gesturing Haruhi out of the door.

She smiled and followed the twins and the miss-matched set that was Hunny and Mori out of the room. Once the others had gone, Tamaki's smiled dropped away as did what remained of Kyouya's.

"Are you sure you're alright?" Tamakiasked as he covered the remaining space that separated them.

"I'll be fine once you're down there hosting like you should have been doing ten minute ago," he replied coldly.

Tamaki stared at his feet for a moment before raising his eyes to his friend's face.

"It was just a kiss," he said quietly.

"And I care because...?" asked Kyouyawith icy razors in his voice as he turned to go.

Tamaki stared at Kyouya's back with hurt eyes as his dark-haired friend strode from the Third Music Room.

"Come on, it's you people are waiting for," Kyouya called without looking back.

_I've already writen the whole story, so I'll get the new chapters up as soon as I can proofread them, so if you liked it you won't have to wait too long._


	2. Chapter 2

_Told you I get these up here fast!_

Kyouya did his best to ignore Tamaki as he circulated among the guests of the Host Club's elegant End-of-Parent's-Weekend event. He tried not to sneak glances at the beaming blond who was entertaining mothers and daughters often to the displeasure of husbands and fathers. He did his best to excuse himself every time the half-French boy came anywhere near the females he was talking to. He strove to turn away whenever his flamboyant classmate looked his way. He could not, however, avoid Tamaki the whole night. Not only was he unable to keep his gaze from straying towards the handsome young man, but also Tamaki called the hosts together to thank their guests for coming and Kyouya was forced to face his friend.

Kyouya was the last of the hosts to wish the women he'd been chatting with a pleasant evening and join his fellows in a side room off of the ballroom where the guests had assembled.

"I was just going to thank them for coming," Tamaki was saying when Kyouya closed the door quietly as he entered the small room. "I suppose it would look good to say something more and I was trying to think of something, but I just couldn't come up with anything." He glanced unconsciously at Haruhi, a look that told Kyouya what had been distracting him.

"I don't see what else you'd need to say," said Haruhi in her usual, blunt manner.

Mori nodded in silent agreement.

"Well then, shall we?" asked Tamaki taking a step towards the door.

"You should thank them for their patronage as well as for coming," said Kyouya trying to keep the dullness from his voice.

"Okay," said Tamaki brightly.

"Kyouya-sempai, are you alright?" asked Haruhi. "You look at little pale."

All heads turned to Kyouya, who stared back at them blankly.

"You do seem a little off tonight," said Hikaru.

"Yeah, do you feel Okay?" Kaoru asked.

"I'm fine," Kyouya told them and pushed up his glasses. "Are we done here?"

"Want some cake, Kyou-chan?" asked Hunny brightly, holding up a large piece of cake a few inches from Kyouya's face.

"No thanks. Let's just get on with this. It's improper to keep ladies waiting."

"Of course," agreed Tamaki holding the door open for Haruhi once again.

The Host Club filed past him onto a brightly lit stage that had been erected at one end of the room. Kyouya passed Tamaki last. He could feel curious, lilac eyes on him, but he did not move his grey-eyed gaze from the stage.

Tamaki thanked the guests for coming and for their patronage of the Host Club. He did this, of course, with much flare and humble looks and elegant waves of his hand. The girls and their mothers screamed their delight, all dignity forgotten as they were captivated by Tamaki's beautiful words and eyes.

Kyouya forced himself through the rest of the evening, smiling and talking easily, and, though his smiles were fake and his words empty, the women who saw him seemed too taken in by the moment to notice.

It was only after the party was over that Kyouya was able to drop his act and allow his face to become an emotionless ice sculpture once more.

The hosts were congregated in the Third Music Room, as was there custom after such events. They were relaxing and chatting, all expect for Kyouya who was hiding behind his laptop and the quiet, sharp clicks of his fingers on the keys.

"I think it went well," Kaoru said as he flopped down on a loveseat next to his twin.

"Yeah, they were just lapping it up," agreed Hikaru, putting an arm around Kaoru's shoulders.

"Hikaru," the younger twin whispered in a slightly scolding manor.

"It's good to see Tama-chan and Haru-chan finally together, isn't it Takashi?" said Hunny cheerily to Mori who nodded.

The couple in question was also seated on a loveseat. Tamaki had his arm around Haruhi in a reflection of the twins. He could not have looked happier. Beaming brightly enough to flood the entire room in warm light, he was whispering sweet nothings in Haruhi's ear. She sat quite still with a small smile on her face, but, as delicate as it was, it was a smile that illuminated her whole face and she too, looked happier than Kyouya had ever seen her.

However, the typing young man spared only a glance for the brunette; when he raised his eyes from the screen it was to steal a glance at Tamaki. The blond was happier than when he'd declared Kyouya his best friend, then when he'd seen all the places in Japan Kyouya had taken him to, then when the Host Club had been opened for the first time. Kyouya was sure that with Tamaki's wreaked childhood, he had never been this happy before. Kyouya had dreamed of the day he'd see that look on Tamaki's face. But of course, in his dream Haruhi was not the one sitting next to Tamaki.

"It's really late!" exclaimed Haruhi suddenly, making the whole club jump.

"So?" coursed the twins.

"So I need to get home," she explained with more than a touch of exasperation in her voice.

"Must you go already?" asked Tamaki in a pleading voice, his eyes begging her to stay.

"My father's going to get worried," she said with a smiled as she pried Tamaki's arm off of her and stood up. "I'll see you tomorrow," she reminded him.

"Of course," he said also standing.

He walked her to the door where she stopped and called goodnight to her fellow hosts who all returned the farewell, expect Kyouya who mumbled something indistinct without looking up. Then she turned, but Tamaki caught her wrist and pulled her to his chest for a moment. She gave a small laugh and pushed him gently away. He looked crushed and she was about to leave when she turned once again, stretched onto her toes, and gave him a swift kiss on the lips before hurrying out of the Third Music Room.

Tamaki's head must have been spinning for he stumbled back to the loveseat he'd been sitting on and practically fell onto it. The twins started laughing and he seemed to snap out of his stunned state at the sound for he spent the next five minutes chasing the two all around the room.

He eventually chased them out the door and he stopped, gasping for breath. Not long after this, Hunny and Mori agreed that it was time for them to go as well. The remaining hosts exchanged goodnights and the cousins left.

Kyouya and Tamaki were alone together.


	3. Chapter 3

"Are you sure you're alright?" asked Tamaki after an awkward minute of Kyouya typing in the otherwise silent room.

"I told you, I'm fine," he replied sharply.

Tamaki watched his best friend type, utterly unaware of what he had done to the dark-haired boy's heart.

"Do you not want me to be with Haruhi?" he asked at length.

Kyouya had been wondering how long it would take the oddly insightful blond to read him just like he had when he'd shown Kyouya that he did not have to be trapped in the "frame" of a third son.

"I don't see why your love life is any of my business," he said coolly.

"I doubt my father would approve very much. I think he'd like her as a person, but never as a match for me and my grandmother would hate everything about her. I know that for sure, but I don't care. I love her, Kyouya, I really do!" Tamaki insisted as if he thought Kyouya was bothered by the likely reaction of Tamaki's family.

"I know you do," he said trying not to sound as hollow as he felt.

"And I know it can't last. I know it's too good to last," he assured Kyouya as if he thought Kyouya was bothered by what would happen to his friend's heart when the relationship ended.

"Sometimes good things last, but you're right this cannot," he said.

"And I know we don't have very much in common, but we have love for each other and isn't that enough?" he declared as if he thought Kyouya was bothered by all that separated Tamaki's world for the world of commoners.

"Yes."

"So, you're Okay with it then?" he asked slowly as if thrown off by his inability to read Kyouya as he usually could and by Kyouya's passive agreement.

"Do you love her?" he asked calmly.

"Yes, of course!"

"And does she love you?" he asked before Tamaki could go on a rant about his love for Haruhi.

"Yes," he said sounding slightly unsure. "I mean, she kissed me and everything."

"Then there's not a problem, for now," Kyouya told him and went back to his typing. "You are going to have to be careful around other people. We still have to maintain that Haruhi is a boy until she graduates. At this point, she could probably get into trouble for pretending to be a boy," he said without looking up.

"Yeah," said Tamaki as he started to wander off across the room. "A secret love. How romantic!"

Kyouya gave a tinny sigh. Part of him had been secretly hoping Tamaki would finally see his feelings for him now that he was looking.

"But you don't think it'll last?" asked Tamaki, coming to am abrupt halt by one of the large windows after he had gone spinning about the room.

"No, how can it?" Kyouya asked in a calm voice.

"How can it not? We're in love!"

"You gave all the reasons yourself: your family, she's a commoner. Not to mention that she has to keep acting like a guy and that love doesn't last," Kyouya explained.

"What do you mean, "love doesn't last"?" asked Tamaki after a moment, turning slowly to face Kyouya.

"Have you ever seen love last?" he asked looking up from his laptop at last.

Tamaki stared at him with a horrified look on his face.

"Your father got divorced, right? And he left your mother alone, didn't he? People are breaking up every ten minutes here. Girls flit from one host to another. Even Range gave up on me after a while. The twins get board of people. I think the divorce rate is something like fifty percent."

"Don't say that!" Tamaki shouted. He was obviously furious at Kyouya's jabs at his father and part of Kyouya was sorry. But part of him wasn't at all. "What about Haurhi's father? He's still dedicated to his wife and she'd dead!"

"Exactly," said Kyouya still in his cool, composed voice. "She's dead so he can still love the idea of her without being trapped with the day to day reality, all the problems of living with someone that ruin a relationship."

"How can you say that?" whispered Tamaki, shaking with furry.

Kyouya could see tears in his eyes, but he could not help being pulled in by the horribly vindictive pleasure he was taking from this. He could not stop himself from taking this small amount of revenge for how much Tamaki had hurt him and betrayed him. Even though the blond knew nothing of his pain, Kyouya could think of nothing else that might stop it. Hurting Tamaki wasn't going to help and he knew it, but it was too late to stop now.

"Because it's true," he said, closing his laptop with a snap and standing up.

"It's not. Some love is true and true love lives forever," said Tamaki in the same, strained whispered.

Kyouya felt the stab as he thought of his love for Tamaki and how it would live forever, unseen and unwanted, in his chest until he died with the words of his love still unspoken.

"Only fool believe such things," he said coldly.

"Then I guess I'm a fool!" said Tamaki loudly.

"You just noticed?" spat Kyouya.

"What the hell is your problem?" shouted Tamaki.

Kyouya gazed at him for a long moment and finally told Tamaki the truth.

"You," he said, his voice suddenly much quieter and his eyes much sadder.

Tamaki stared at him for so long that Kyouya wasn't sure if he would speak again or simply leave.

"What's that supposed to mean?" he finally asked in a tone that was somewhere between spite and hurt.

"I thought you could read me like a book," said Kyouya, his maliciousness returning. "You tell me."

"Look, I don't know what I did to piss you off so badly, but I'm sure I didn't mean it," Tamaki said as he tried to calm himself down.

"I'm sure you did," said Kyouya. Of course Tamaki had meant to kiss Haruhi.

"Why don't you just tell me?" cried Tamaki in frustration.

Once again, Kyouya was honest.

"Because it's easier to ruin our friendship this way."

"What on earth do you mean?"

"You don't want to know."

"If I didn't want to know, I wouldn't be asking," said Tamaki stubbornly. "So tell me already."

"I can't tell you, but I think I can show you," said Kyouya slowly as his mind whirled thoughts around.

"Fine, show me then," said Tamaki, taking a few steps closer to Kyouya.

"If I show you," said Kyouya without moving closer to Tamaki, "I can never come back to the Host Club."

"Kyouya, I don't understand!"

"I know and it's probably better if you never do," Kyouya told him, looking anywhere but at his friend. "I don't want to hurt you."

Truth number three.

"You've already failed at that," spat Tamaki, his anger flaring up again.

"Tamaki," said Kyouya sadly, finally looking at the confused and angry boy. "I'm sorry."


	4. Chapter 4

Kyouya turned and, without doing or saying any of things he'd wanted and needed to, walked slowly to the door the Third Music Room. His fingers were closing around the cold metal of the doorknob when Tamaki's voice froze his whole body and caused his heart to skip a beat.

"Kyouya don't!" he called suddenly as he took a few, quick steps after the retreating boy.

Kyouya could neither move nor speak, but he didn't want to leave and didn't know what to say, so it didn't matter.

"Kyouya, of course I don't want you to leave to Host Club, but it looks like you're going to do that anyway and I know the club will fall apart without you, but if you're set on going regardless, at least let me know why," he begged in an unexpected torrent of words. "You're the first friend I ever had and I know you'll always understand me and I thought I'd always understand you, but now I can't, but if I could maybe I could fix it, maybe I could make it better. Please let me help you, Kyouya!"

"There's nothing you can do to make it better, Tamaki," said Kyouya in a sad, dull voice, without turning away from the door.

"Then tell me," he whispered in sad desperation. "Show me."

"You really want me to?" asked Kyouya, easily hiding the hopeful thrill of excitement that lurched in his chest at the sound of Tamaki's invitation even though the blond did not know what he was asking for.

"Yes, I really do."

"You don't know what I'll do," said Kyouya hesitantly as he turned to face his Tamaki.

"Well, as long as it's not going to result in my death, I don't really care," he told his friend with an odd boldness in his tone.

"You're really sure?" asked Kyouya, one hand still on the doorknob behind him.

"Yes!" cried Tamaki, a frustrated smile touching the corners of his flawless lips.

"Then I guess our friendship being about to die isn't entirely my fault," said Kyouya as he let go of the doorknob and took a few steps towards Tamaki.

There was hesitance in Tamaki's eyes for the first time, but he stood perfectly still as Kyouya approached him.

Kyouya stopped barely a foot from his friend. He stared into the beautiful lilac eyes and saw a layer of fear behind their determined gaze.

"You don't have to know," he whispered.

"I want to," replied Tamaki, his words landing in warm breath against Kyouya's face.

"Alright, your choice."

As he reached his left arm around Tamaki's waist, Kyouya felt like the whole world had gone into slow motion. He gently pulled the warm body to him and he raised his other hand to brush the blond spikes of Tamaki's bangs from the lilac eyes. His hand slid softly over the golden locks to settle on the back of Tamaki's head. Kyouya held him there for a moment, his grey eyes trying to pierce into his friend's shrouded soul.

It looked as if Tamaki was about to speak, to ask if this was it. Kyouya knew it was now or never.


	5. Chapter 5

Kyouya leaned closer to Tamaki. He could feel warm breath on his lips; sense the apprehension in eyes he could no longer see as his own had slid closed. At last, after knowing and loving the beautiful idiot for so long, his lips touched Tamaki's with a fourth truth, revealing Kyouya's long-hidden love for his best friend.

He felt the young man tense with shock at first and then, in a moment that lasted forever to Kyouya, Tamaki responded with as much hidden passion as Kyouya was showing him. In that instant, Kyouya knew something he had only imagined before and would only remember afterwards.

Tamaki pulled away from Kyouya, an odd, frightened look in his eyes. He had clearly not intended to kiss his friend back.

"No, no," he whispered in confusion as he stepped away from Kyouya.

Kyouya let Tamaki go, pushed up his glasses, and walked back to the table where his laptop sat. He picked up his black notebook that contained hard copies of all the information pertaining to the Host Club. With this in hand he returned to Tamaki who looked somewhat nervous at his approach.

Kyouya stopped a comfortable distance from the blond and held out the notebook.

"Give it to Haruhi," he told Tamaki in his usual, emotionless tone. "She's smart. If anyone can keep the Host Club going, it's her."

Tamaki stared at the notebook, but did not take it.

"You're really leaving the Host Club?" he asked somewhat shakily.

"Of course, I said I would have to."

"But..." Tamaki's voice trailed away because he didn't know if he wanted Kyouya to stay or not and even if he had known, he knew it was hopeless to argue.

"But nothing, Suoh-kun," said Kyouya.

Tamaki looked as if Kyouya had slapped him across the face at the sound of this more formal name.

"Kyouya," he whispered.

"Just give her the notebook," said Kyouya, taking a step forward and thrusting it at Tamaki.

Tamaki did not want to take it, but Kyouya was already moving away so he caught the notebook as it fell. He clutched it to his chest as Kyouya walked to the door of the Third Music Room, grabbing his laptop as he passed the table at which he'd sat. He paused once again by the door.

"Kyouya."

"What?" asked Kyouya coldly.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to- to-" He couldn't even say what he'd done.

"Then why did you?" Kyouya asked the door.

"I don't know," said Tamaki sadly.

Kyouya waited a moment longer, half hoping Tamaki would say something else.

"How long?" the blond asked after a long pause.

"How long what?"

"How long have you-?" Tamaki couldn't say how Kyouya felt either.

"How long have I loved you?" Kyouya paused for these words to sink into Tamaki. "Since you thought I'd truly become your friend."

"That's a long time."

"Yes. It is."

"I'm sorry you saw me and Haruhi," Tamaki said after another pause.

"It's not like I haven't had to watch you all this time."

"Why didn't you say something, Kyouya?" asked Tamaki desperately. "Why did you wait?"

"I told. I didn't want to hurt you. Some things are better left unknown," said Kyouya rather curtly. "I have to go," he said more quietly after waiting for Tamaki to ask him to stay.

"I guess so," said Tamaki regretfully.

"Are you sorry you asked?" inquired Kyouya.

"I guess so, since you think we can't be friends anymore," he replied.

Kyouya might have smiled at this if he hadn't been feeling so heartbroken. At least Tamaki still valued his friendship.

"It would be improper," Kyouya told him.

"But I'll still see you. I mean, we're in the same class," Tamaki assured himself.

"I suppose so."

"Kyouya, please don't do this!" cried Tamaki suddenly.

"Considering the way you reacted, I think it's best if we severed a few ties," said Kyouya coolly.

"What are you saying?" asked Tamaki apprehensively. "I mean, there's no way I can- That is to say, what with Haruhi and all- How could I-?" He stammered as he tried to prove to himself he could not possibly have feelings for the friend he was about to loss.

"I know; that's why I have to go. It's what's best for you." He opened the door. "You might not want to mention this to people."

"I know."

"I'll see you in class tomorrow then, Suoh-kun."

"Please don't call me that, Kyouya," begged Tamaki.

"It's the proper way for me address you now," said Kyouya, a hint of sadness infiltrating his emotionless tone.

"Then I'll see you tomorrow, Ootori**-**kun," Tamaki said in a constricted voice.

Kyouya gave a slight node.

"Don't forget to give the notebook to her."

"I won't."

For a moment Kyouya thought of saying something more, of actually uttering the words "I love you," but he knew it was foolish so he did not speak. He just stepped through the door, thinking of how badly he'd screwed up his life in a single evening. He tried to worry that he might have damaged his family's relations with Tamaki's, but he was much more focused on how much he, personally, was losing. But it was for Tamaki. He needed to get out of Tamaki's life lest the idiot find that the passion with which he had kissed Kyouya was something real.

As the door of the Third Music Room swung shut behind him, Kyouya did not look back. He heard it bang shut with a finality that could not be undone even if he'd turned and flung it wide once more and run into Tamaki's arms.


	6. Chapter 6

Tamaki stood in the Third Music Room watching Kyouya walk out of his life and knowing there was nothing he could do to stop him. As the ornate door fell back into place, blocking his view of Kyouya, he felt tears in his eyes. Surely there was something he could have done. How could he have overlooked Kyouya's feelings for him? Was he also overlooking a hidden affection for his now former friend? Just the thought that he'd lost Kyouya was enough to shatter his whole world into a million pieces, but on top of that the realization that Kyouya had not only loved him and kissed him, but that he, Tamaki, had kissed him back and maybe even liked it was just too much.

Looking back, he was never sure just how or when he got home, but the next morning found him sprawled across his bed fully dressed and clutching Kyouya's notebook to his chest.

He changed from the party cloths the Host Club had worn to the final event of Parent's Weekend and into his usual Ouran High School uniform. He placed the notebook careful in his bag and headed downstairs.

"You look a little pale, are you alright?" his father asked when he wandered past the dinning room where the superintendent of Ouran Academy was eating breakfast.

"Fine," Tamaki muttered trying not to think about the events of the pervious night or what Kyouya had said about Tamaki's father's failed love life.

"You came back extremely late last night or I guess I should say early this morning," his father pointed out.

"Oh yeah, I guess I did," was the vague reply.

"Well if you're not sick, you better hurry off to school."

"Yes, father."

_Sorry this one's so short, but I think the next chapter makes up for it. It'll be switching back and forth between Tamaki and Kyouya for a while now, just FYI..._


	7. Chapter 7

Kyouya walked slowly out of Ouran Academy. He knew he could call and have a car there in only a few minutes, but that would involve seeing another human being - something he knew he could not face. It was well past three in the morning when Kyouya let himself into his house. He was sweaty and his arms were starting to seize up from clutching his laptop to his chest for so long.

When he turned from locking the door behind him, he saw who he soon realized was the second-to-last person he wanted to see was. The last person was of course Tamaki, but as his father moved towards him, Kyouya recognized that this was not someone he wanted to be around.

Although he did not flinch, he closed his eyes and made sure to turn his head with the blow because he'd read somewhere that that is what one is supposed to do. Once he'd found his glasses and put them back on, he got to his feet and faced the furious man before him and, for the first time, he did not care what his father thought of him. He was hurting too much to care about anything anymore.

"Where the hell have you been?" his father bellowed.

"School."

"Do you have any idea what time it is?" he roared.

"No."

"What have you been doing all this time? You're a mess!"

"I walked home."

"Why?"

He had never heard his father shout this loudly before, but Kyouya's voice remained dull as he tried to focus on the pain that was prickling his check rather than the pain that was stabbing his heart.

"I didn't want to be around anyone."

"I don't know what's wrong with you," his father began, but Kyouya had had enough and finally snapped.

"You know, maybe if you paid a little more attention to me and actually bothered to find out who I am, you would!" he shouted before pushing past his father and heading for his room.

"Ootori Kyouya!" his father shouted after him, every syllable full to the brim with more rage than Kyouya would have thought possible.

Kyouya didn't turn. He didn't even flinch.

"Father!" cried Fuyumi from the top of the stairs where she had appeared, clearly woken by the shouting. "What is it? What's wrong?"

Both father and son ignored her.

"Ootori Kyouya, you get back here this instant or not only will you rue the day you were born, but you will no longer be a part of this family!"

That stopped Kyouya. For so long the only thing that had mattered to him had been his family. Not in the nice, family values sort of way, of course, but in a business way. His family was his chance at getting anywhere in life. But ever since he'd fallen for Tamaki, he'd spent all his attention on him instead.

"Well?" his father prompted. "Don't expect me wait."

Slowly, Kyouya turned and faced his father once more, but he did not move from the bottom of the stairs.

"You heard what I said," his father growled, reminding Kyouya that his order had been to come back, not to simply turn around.

"Yes, I did," said Kyouya in a passive voice that was barely more than a whisper.

Kyouya walked slowly back to his father.

And passed him.

He stopped at the door and unlocked it once more before turning to face his father.

"I don't see why you expect me to obey you any longer." His voice was chocked with suppressed tears.

"What?" whispered his father in a voice so filled with hatred and rage than an outsider would never think that he was talking to his own son.

"Kyouya!" cried Fuyumi desperately.

"Disown me, throw me out of the family," said Kyouya his mind filled with a rage to match his father's and an even greater sorrow. "I. Don't. Care."

With that he opened the door and started out into the night.

"Don't think I'm going to let you in when you come crawling back here!" his father called after him.

"Oh, I won't be back," he said in a voice that was suddenly calm, turning to father for the last time. "And don't worry, I doubt anyone will find my body."

"Kyouya!" screamed Fuyumi as the night swallowed her little brother.


	8. Chapter 8

Tamaki spent all of the next day looking for Kyouya, but he didn't come to any of their classes. He spent his lunch break in the main office of the high school making inquires as to Kyouya's whereabouts, but neither he nor anyone in his family had called in to say he was sick. Tamaki was about to leave when one of the several receptionists returned.

"You haven't heard anything about Ootori Kyouya, have you?" he asked as a last resort.

"Why yes, I have," she said sounding surprised at the odd request.

"What?" cried Tamaki at once.

"His older sister called in looking for him. From what I could tell, she didn't know where he was and wanted to know if he'd come to school. She sounded like she'd been crying. I told her he was absent and that upset her even more, poor thing. She was clearly very worried about her little brother," the young woman told Tamaki.

"No," he whispered, his eyes wide with fear.

"Sorry, what?"

"Nothing," said Tamaki quickly. "Thank you for help." With that he hurried off.

Where on earth could Kyouya have gone? Why would he have run away? He was totally dedicated to his family. Tamaki cursed. This was all his fault.

Tamaki ran to the Third Music Room, banging through the doors and skidding to a halt before the very grim-looking club.

"Where's Kyouya?" were the first words out of Haruhi's mouth. "He's never the last one here and he's never late. Even if he came now, he'd be both."

"I-," Tamaki began, about to explain that Kyouya was missing and that it was his fault and that they had to find him before he did something stupid and that nothing else mattered, but he remembered what Kyouya had said about not telling anyone what had happened and stopped himself. The least he could do was honor Kyouya's wish. "He wasn't at school today. In fact, even when he's back at school, he won't be coming to the Host Club anymore."

"What?" gasped the other five.

Tamaki set his bag down on the nearest table, the very table where Kyouya used to work out all the club's finances, and opened it. He carefully removed the black notebook. Then he closed his bag and crossed back to his friends who stood watching him silently.

"Here," he said holding the notebook out to Haruhi. "He said you'd have the best chance of using it to keep the club going."

"I can't take that. It's Kyouya's," said Haruhi, taking a step back from the notebook.

"He wanted you to have it," Tamaki said, confused by Haruhi's reaction.

"You say that like he's died," she pointed out in her horribly blunt manor.

Tamaki stood frozen for a moment staring at the girl, the eyes of the rest of the Host Club upon him. Finally he lowered his gaze and the notebook and sighed.

"As far as the Host Club's concerned," he said, a horrible sadness constricting his throat, "he has."


	9. Chapter 9

Kyouya knew he had ruined his entire life in a few short hours. He knew he could never go back to his father's house. He knew he could never be anything in the business world since the Ootori family was now an enemy. He knew he could never go back to Ouran, even if he hadn't kissed Tamaki, the school would surely alert his family. He knew he'd be lucky if he survived at all. He knew all this, but he could not force himself to care. He was in the worst crisis he'd ever found himself in and yet he was the most apathetic he'd ever been in his life.

He roamed the streets with no idea of where he was going, but around dawn he discovered he'd wandered into a park that he'd never seen before. It was not well kept and had he been more aware of his surroundings he might have noticed the commoners beginning to emerge for the apartment buildings around the park. However, he was not very aware and he did not notice; instead he fell asleep on a patch of dirt in a clump of bushes. As he curled around his laptop, his last thought was before sleep seized his exhausted body was a vague hope that someone might find him and kill him.

The sun was beginning to set by the time he awoke. He sat up stiffly and wondered what Tamaki was doing. Kyouya had nothing to do, but wander blindly through the settling dusk. He was famished, but he ignored his hunger and simply followed his feet along dark streets and winding alleys. He tried to image what had happened in the Third Music Room that day, but his brain was too numb.

Kyouya had thought that leaving Tamaki behind would somehow ease the pain that was his love for the blond, but the knowledge that he would never see him again only made it worse.

_I couldn't live with you_, Kyouya thought bitterly. _But it looks like I can't live without you either._

Kyouya wondered how much longer he'd have to live at all.

It was nearly four o'clock in the morning when he realized he'd stopped. He hadn't been paying any attention to where he'd been going and it took him more than a moment to figure out where he was. When he'd first stopped, he'd been afraid to look up and see where he was. He'd feared he'd wandered back to Ouran or worse to Tamaki's house. He forced himself to look and found himself outside a nondescript, commoner's apartment building. He could think of no reason for coming here and the only reason he might have stopped was exhaustion.

Then he recognized it.

He'd come here once with his friends, with the Host Club.

Haruhi lived here.

Why? Why on earthy had he come here? Right now, he hated everything about the stupid little commoner. If it hadn't been for her, if he hadn't seen Tamaki with her, none of this would have happened. He'd be at home in bed and Tamaki would be none the wiser to his pain.

Nevertheless, Kyouya started counting front doors until he saw hers. There was a singe light on in the window and he could make out a shape behind the glass. Was it her?

Part of him, most of him in fact, wanted to turn around and put as much space between himself and that girl as humanly possible, but, as determined as that part of him was, it was then that Kyouya collapsed. He felt his head hit the cold pavement, but was unconscious before he could even register if he was in pain.


	10. Chapter 10

The Host Club did not open that day.

The hosts sat in silence as if at a wake. Kyouya's notebook sat on a coffee table in the middle of the silent group. They all stared at it, but after Tamaki had set it down, no one touched it.

After what felt like forever but was really little more than half an hour, Kaoru spoke.

"Why? Why would he do this?"

"I thought he liked the Host Club," said Hikaru. "Do you know why, Tamaki?"

All eyes turned to the heartbroken blond.

He knew. But he would never tell them. Kyouya had told him to keep it to himself. He would honor that. However, he did not want to lie at his friends so he said nothing.

"Tamaki," said Haruhi who was sitting next to him, "you don't have to tell us." She placed a hand on his leg and peered up into his eyes.

"He thought it was best for-," he began after a long pause. He could say no more without reveling something. He sighed. "He thought it was best."

"But why didn't he say goodbye?" asked Hunny, who was too sad to even eat.

Mori shrugged and made a soft, sad noise.

"Was it something we did?" asked Hikaru with a hint of desperation in his voice.

"No," said Tamaki without looking at him. _It was something I did_, he thought.

"The Club'll fall apart without him," Kaoru said miserably.

"I know," replied Tamaki quietly.

"And you're Okay with that?" Hikaru asked incredulously.

"Did I say that?" cried Tamaki suddenly on his feet. "You think I don't have a problem with this?"

"Tamaki!" said Haruhi also rising and trying to get him to sit back down.

"He was the first friend I ever had, you think I'm Okay with losing him?" Tamaki demanded, shaking Haruhi off.

"I never said that," said Hikaru quietly.

"Then what did you say?" spat Tamaki.

"I was just wondering if you were going to do anything to try and save the Club."

Everyone stared at Tamaki again. He bit his lip and thought for a moment before speaking. He sighed again.

"No," he said at last.

"What?" cried Hunny and Kaoru.

"No," was gasped by Mori and shouted by H**i**karu.

"Why?" Haruhi asked.

"The Host Club couldn't have started without Kyouya. I don't think it's right to keep going now that he's gone."

"Gone?" repeated Hikaru. "But won't we still see him around school?"

"I don't know," Tamaki said with deepest pain in his eyes. "I just don't know." He sat back down, his head fell into his hands and he said no more.

The group fell back into silence until the clock stuck, the sound that would usually send their guests away. Now the Host Club rose as one and filed past the notebook as it sat on the table.

Mori passed it first. He reached out and brushed his fingers over it.

"Thanks," he muttered.

Then he grabbed his bag and headed out into the hall where he turned and waited for the rest of the silent group.

Hunny went next, also touching the black notebook as he passed.

"Come back, Kyou-chan," he whispered. "We miss you."

He too collected his things and went to wait in the hall.

"I would have thought staying had more merits," said Hikaru. "We'll be waiting, if you ever wanna come back."

He lifted his fingers from the black surface and joined Hunny and Mori in the hallway.

"You gave us a lot. It's thanks to you we broadened our world just a little," murmured Kaoru to the notebook.

He grabbed his bag as his brother had and went into the hall.

"I can finally say I'm grateful that I got caught up in this whole thing and you're not here to thank," Haruhi said with a half smile as she brushed her fingers across the notebook.

She picked up her bag and joined the others in the hall.

Tamaki touched the notebook gently. It was all he had left of his friend and of the Host Club, yet he was going to leave it here. He was going to lock the Third Music Room and leave the notebook here, but he was not going to turn the key back in. He would declare the Club on break until the end of the year and if Kyouya had not returned by then he would fetch the notebook and disband the Host Club officially. Then he would turn the key in and it would all be over. Kyouya would want him to have a plan.

He gazed at the notebook for a long moment, unable to speak. He was sure there were a thousand things he ought to say, but he could only thing of one of them. At least it was the most important one.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

Then he gathered his things and joined the other former hosts in the hallway.

For a moment they all looked back at the notebook where it sat alone in the Third Music Room. Then Tamaki closed the doors and locked them.

"So are we over?" asked Hikaru dully.

"Here's what I think we should do," said Tamaki. He told them his plan for the Host Club, but left the notebook out of it and did not say Kyouya's name. Instead he said, "If nothing changes by the end of the year, I'll officially disband the Host Club. Is that Okay with everyone?"

There was a general, sad assent.

"I'll deal with the logistics of the Club going on break tomorrow. Let's just go home."

With that, the members of the Host Club went their separate ways.


	11. Chapter 11

Kyouya awoke to frantic mutterings and someone shaking him. He forced his eyes open, but still couldn't see very well. His glasses had been either bent or shattered when his head hit the ground, so he was left with only his natural and rather poor vision to rely on. He slowly focused on the figure above him. Who ever it was had stopped shaking him, but was still speaking very rapidly. He concentrated and made out his own name.

"...sempai! Kyouya-sempai, can you hear me?"

The petite burnet knew him. That was odd.

Then he remembered where he was, what must be happening, and who this must be.

"Haruhi," he groaned, too dizzy and weak to even bother infusing his voice with the hate he was filled with at the sight of her.

"Kyouya-sempai! Oh thank god, I thought you were going to- But never mind, you'll be Okay. I'll get my dad; he can get you inside. I'll be right back. Stay there." She was speaking so fast that Kyouya could barely follow her words.

"I don't think I have a lot of choice," he muttered.

Haruhi gave a weak laugh, jumped to her feet, and ran back to her apartment.

"Great," muttered Kyouya, cursing himself for coming here. Surely the first thing the commoner girl would do when she was sure he'd be Okay would be to call Tamaki and Tamaki would come running and that would not do. Not only could he not allow Tamaki to see him in such a state, but furthermore Kyouya was determined not to see Tamaki again, not because he held anything against him, but because the dark hair youth was convinced that separation was best for both of them, particularly Tamaki.

Haruhi returned with her longhaired father, He looked fairly disheveled, but it _was_ the middle of the night.

Without speaking he knelt down and helped Kyouya into a sitting position.

"Do you think you can walk?" asked Haruhi. Kyouya had never heard her sound so anxious.

"I don't know," he replied after a minute.

"I'll help you," said Haruhi's father.

He pulled one of Kyouya's arms around his shoulders and with Haruhi stabilizing him he was able to stand. The two Fujiokas supported Kyouya up the stairs and into their apartment where they propped him awkwardly against a wall.

"Kyouya-sempai, what happened?" Haruhi asked as she knelt in front of him. "Are you hurt? Are you sick?"

"I didn't know you took this much interest in my wellbeing," he said coldly.

"What do you mean? Everyone is worried sick about you. Why on earth did you go and do such a stupid thing?" she asked bluntly.

"Didn't Tamaki tell you?" asked Kyouya dryly.

"No, he didn't seem to want to say why you'd gone," Haruhi said. "And speaking of Tamaki." She pulled her phone out of her back pocket.

Kyouya might have wondered why she was dressed if his attention hadn't been solely focused on the phone in her hand.

"I should call him and-"

"No!" shouted Kyouya, knocking the phone from her hand in a sudden, wild gesture.

"Kyouya-sempai?" asked Haruhi warily as she slowly reached out and picked up the phone. She was obviously worried about his mental health.

"I'm fine," he said roughly. He tried to stand, but his knees gave way before he was even fully standing.

"Okay, I won't call Tamaki if you don't want me to," she said carefully setting the phone down on the floor where Kyouya could see it. "How about I go and make you some soup or something? I'm guessing you're pretty hungry." She smiled and headed off without waiting for an answer.

"It's Okay, Dad," Kyouya heard her whisper from the kitchen.

There was a pause in which her father said something Kyouya couldn't hear.

"No, I don't know where he's been, but he's my friend and he needs my help."

_Her_ _friend_?

"No, I don't know if he plans on going back to school, but he certainly doesn't look up to it, does he?"

"...at home?" asked her father.

"I don't know. Why do you expect me to know all these things? I think he has problems at home, but I don't know Dad, come on!" Haruhi was not troubling to keep her voice down. Her father must have pointed that out because from then on Kyouya only caught snatches of the conversation.

"...call Tamaki for some...," said Haruhi.

"...sure he's not...?" her father asked.

"...not usually like...hope he gets over...," Haruhi mused.

Kyouya must have dosed off because he awoke to Haruhi's voice.

"Wake up so you can eat, Kyouya-sempai," she was saying as she held out a bowl to him.

Kyouya took the bowl and eat ravenously.

"Guess you were hungry, huh?" she commented with a smile.

When he was done Kyouya handed the bowl back to her. She took it into the kitchen, but returned quickly. She sat facing him from across a bit of floor.

"So,' said Kyouya after a minute. He was feeling much better now and the bitter hate he felt was beginning to seep into his voice. "Did Tamaki give you the notebook?"

"I couldn't take it," she said.

"What do you mean?"

"It was yours and yours alone. Tamaki put the Host Club on break. He's going to disband it officially if you're not back by the end of school. He said he didn't think it was right to keep going with the Club without you since you helped start it and all." She looked away from Kyouya for a long moment before speaking with her eyes still lowered. "Everyone wants you to come back," she told him quietly.

"Tamaki doesn't," said Kyouya dully.

"Of course he does," she said dismissively. "You're his best friend; it's killing him that you left."

"Really?" asked Kyouya with dry disbelief.

"What is your problem?" Haruhi demanded in sudden exasperation.

Kyouya looked at her not sure if he wanted her to see through him the way she did or if he wanted her to throw him out.

"Kyouya-sempai," she said slowly, "you didn't leave because of your father, did you?" she asked in dawning realization.

"Well, my father would be the reason I'm not at home," Kyouya said coolly.

"I figured, but he's not the reason you left the Host Club," she said, "left Tamaki," she added after a moment of watching him.

"And what's that supposed to mean?" he asked shortly.

"I doubt it was Mori you wanted to get away from," she replied with a note of cool sarcasm in her blunt voice.

He swore inwardly. Of all the hosts, he had to end up at Haruhi's house. How did she through him the way Tamaki did? Well, _had_. Tamaki seemed to have lost his touch as far as Kyouya's emotions were concerned.

"If you'd known him as long as I have, you'd be sick of him too," said Kyouya coldly.

"Somehow I can't see frustration at Tamaki's stupidity driving you to give up everything," Haruhi said, giving him an odd look as if to prompt him into a confession.

"Look, Haruhi," he said spitting her name like it left a nasty taste in his mouth. "If you know why I left why don't you just say so? If not, don't expect me to tell you."

"I don't."

"You don't what?" he asked slowly.

"Expect you to tell me," she clarified.

"Haruhi," called her father from the next room, "are you two going to school? You might want to start thinking about getting ready."

"Okay, Dad," she called back. "Alright look Kyouya-sempai, I think I have a pretty good idea of why you left, but I'm not about to tell people what I think so if that's what you're worried about-."

"Haruhi, why don't you do what your father said and get ready for school?" asked Kyouya without letting her finish speaking.

"This isn't my fault you know!" Haruhi practically shouted as she leapt to her feet.

"Oh really? And how do you figure that?" he snapped back also trying to stand, but failing.

"How do _you_ figure that it's _my_ fault?" she demanded, glaring down at him.

"If you know why I felt, you know why it's your fault!" He tried to stand again, pushing his back against the wall and struggling with his weak legs.

"How is it my fault he loves me?"

She really did know.

"You kissed him!"

"His idea!"

"You stopped rejecting him. You love him back!"

Kyouya was finally on his feet. He was leaning heavily against the wall, but now he was at least taller than Haruhi.

"Who do you love?" demanded Haruhi's father who had appeared at the kitchen door.

"Not now, Dad," Haruhi hissed at him and he obligingly vanished.

"And I suppose it's my fault that I love him?" asked Haruhi. "And I thought you were the _logical_ one."

"Just go to school, Haruhi. Go run to your darling," Kyouya sneered.

"I'm not going to leave you here," she said, worry hidden somewhere in her voice.

"I'm not going to stay here," Kyouya told her.

"Don't be ridiculous," said Haruhi briskly. "You're in no condition to be wandering around."

"That's kind of the point," he muttered.

"Kyouya-sempai!" she gasped.

"What? Did you really expect me to go on like this? I didn't mean to come here. I didn't mean for anyone to find me."

She stared at him in horrified understanding.

"Don't," she whispered. "It's not worth it."

"And what's that supposed to mean? I can't live like this and I can't go back to living the way I did before." Kyouya could only see one solution.

"If you really care about him, you won't do this," Haruhi said quietly. "If you want him to be happy, you'll go back to him right now because you're killing him."

"If you want him to happy," Kyouya returned coldly, "you won't tell him about this."


	12. Chapter 12

Tamaki could not take much more of this. He called the front office of Ouran High School and said he was sick. Then he hurried downstairs, calling to his father that he was running late, which he was, and had to run off the school. Tamaki burst out of the house and started off.

However, he'd barely gone a block when he stopped.

What was he doing? He had no idea where to go, where to look. This was ridiculous, but he couldn't very well keep doing nothing. He tried to think, if he were Kyouya, where could he have gone? Not to his father's house, not to Ouran, obviously not to Tamaki's house, not to any of the other hosts' houses...

Expect maybe...

Tamaki took off at a run. He flagged the first taxi he saw and was soon climbing out at his destination.

He climbed the mettle stairs and knocked loudly on the door.

No one answered.

Well of course not, she'd already be on her way to school.

Tamaki pulled out his phone and feverously found her number and hit send. Praying she was still in transit and hadn't turned her phone off yet, he waited for her to pick up. And finally, she did.

"Haruhi!"

"Tamaki-sempai?" she asked in her confused voice.

"Have you seen him?" asked Tamaki breathlessly.

"Seen who?" she asked cautiously.

"Kyouya!"

"Oh! Uh..." Kyouya had more or less asked her not to tell Tamaki what had happened. "Can it wait?" she asked stalling for time. "I'm almost at school."

"Just tell me, yes or no?" he demanded.

The only way she could do what Kyouya had asked without lying to Tamaki would be to not say anything at all, but surely that would be a dead give away. She panicked for a moment before realizing the very obvious. A dead give away might be just what was called for to save Kyouya.

"Haruhi? Have you seen him or not?" he asked, his voice growing desperate.

"I can't say," she said quietly.

"What do you mean?" asked Tamaki, totally thrown off.

"I can't say," she repeated, trying to make what she meant as clear as possible.

"You don't know? How can you not know?"

"I didn't say that. I said," here she paused to make sure he got each word, "I can't say," she said as clearly as possible.

"You can't," Tamaki started to repeat. "Oh!" he cried in sudden realization.

"I have to run or I'll be late," said Haruhi. "I take it you won't be here today?"

"No," said Tamaki almost laughing with joy. "I'm sick." He coughed loudly.

"Well, I hope you feel better soon," she said also smiling. His new optimism was contagious even over the phone.

"Thanks, Haruhi. I'll see you around."

"Okay, bye."

"Bye." He hung up and started trying to figure out which way Kyouya might have gone.

Despite the difficulty of this task, Tamaki was so buoyed up by fresh hope that he tackled it with great energy. He searched and searched the area around Haruhi's apartment building for nearly an hour before he found it: a scrap of cloth that was the exact color of the outfits the Host Club had worn the other night at the final Parent's Weekend event.

Tamaki grabbed it and let out a cry of joy. There were defiantly some broken twigs that formed a trail through the bushes on which the cloth had been snagged. Tamaki started following the trail slowly and carefully. However, the bushes only last him a few yards before he face faced with an open park. He knelt down, looking for footprints or something. He'd been known to watch crime TV and so knew exactly what to do.

After discovering nothing by the bushes, he scoured the entire park for signs of his friend, but found nothing until he opened his eyes and saw that the park was covered in clues. There were people everywhere. He hurried up to the nearest one, a rather tired looking woman sitting on a bench and watching children chasing each other around.

"Excuse me, ma'am," he began, turning on his hosting charm. "I was hoping you could help me. I'm looking for my friend and I think he might have come through here. He's my age, dark hair, glasses, about my height, just a little shorter."

He stopped. The woman was gazing at him with an odd look on her face, something between surprise, curiosity, and annoyance.

"I don't think I've seen him. Sorry," she said.

"Okay, well, thank you."

The next person he asked was a man who seemed very irritated by Tamaki. He looked like he was trying to go from point A to point B as quickly as possible. He told Tamaki he hadn't seen his friend and asked him brusquely why he wasn't at school.

Tamaki talked to almost everyone in the park and with each person he spoke to he became more disheartened. No one had seen any such boy and soon the only people he hadn't asked were the few children he'd been unable to catch up to and an old man who was sitting alone on a bench and dressed in filthy clothes. For some reason, this man scared Tamaki, but he was now the blond's only hope so he slowly approached the man, who seemed to be muttering to himself.

"Um, excuse me," he began hesitantly.

The man did not look up, but continued to mutter incoherently.

"Sir, excuse me."

No response.

"Sir, I was hoping you could help me...?"

"Help?" asked the man, his head suddenly snapping up to look at Tamaki as if the word had brought him to life.

"Yes, I'm trying to find my friend," he continued.

"A friend is the most valuable thing in the world, yet it is the thing most often spurned in favor of something else," said the man sagely.

"Yes and you see I'm trying to find mine and I was hoping you could help me."

"You should always help your friends even when it costs you."

"Yes, but you see I was hoping you saw him because I think he came through here."

"Many pass through, but most are too blinded to notice."

"He's my age, dark hair, glasses, more or less my height. Have you seen him?" Tamaki was silently praying that the man could help him. "Please, I've asked everyone else and no one's seen him."

"He smelt of death," said the man staring at Tamaki in a most unsettling way.

"Uh, sorry?"

"Your friend is in grave peril!" the man declared. "You are the only one who can pull him back from the darkness."

"I know," said Tamaki desperately. "Did you see which way he went?"

"He was following the path of the forgotten."

"But which way did he go?" begged Tamaki desperately. "I need to find him."

The man slowly raised his arm and pointed with a gnarled finger, his sleeve hanging off of his skinny arm like a death shroud.

"Thank you!" cried Tamaki. "Thank you so much!"

"Hurry," warned the old man. "Hurry before it is too late."

"I will," called Tamaki as he ran off in the direction the man had pointed. Then he stopped, turned and called back to the man. "Do you know how long ago he was here?"

"If your love for him can carry you swiftly, you will reach him."

"Love?" Tamaki repeated stopping dead.

"Love," the old man echoed.

"Love," Tamaki mused.

"He is your friend so you must love him," the man clarified.

"You mean friend love, not love love, right?" Tamaki asked cautiously.

"I mean whatever kind of love you feel for him," he said.

Tamaki thought about this for a moment before calling a final "thank you!" and running off after Kyouya.

Tamaki ran blindly the way the man had told him Kyouya had gone. He soon reached a road, which he crossed only to come face to face with an alley. Kyouya could have gone any of three ways, following the street in either direction or down the alley. Tamaki followed an instinctual urge down the alley. He found himself in a twisting maze of tinny streets and dingy passages filled with heaps of trash, overflowing dumpsters, piles of rags that sometimes moved and proved themselves to be people, and many other foul things. Tamaki flung himself around corner after corner with no idea of where he was going expect that when he got there, Kyouya would be there too.

Tamaki's instinctual path suddenly turned and became a dead end.

"Damn it," he muttered. He'd been so sure that he'd been going the right way, but now he was faced with nothing. There was no way he'd ever find Kyouya.

Then a cloud shifted and a shaft of sunlight fell into the alleyway. It flashed off of two small ovals on the pavement and reflected into Tamaki's eyes. It also glinted off of a silvery rectangle on the ground and illuminated a crumpled, dark-haired figure.

"Kyouya!" Tamaki gasped running to the figure's side and falling to his knees. "Kyouya!"

It was indeed Kyouya and he was not moving.


	13. Chapter 13

_(Heads up- it's a slight flashback to what Kyouya was doing during the last chapter.)_

Kyouya left Haruhi's house and staggered off, his bent glasses making his unready undetermined path even more random. He felt his sleeve catch on the bushes he found himself struggling through, but he kept going. He heard it rip, but did not look back. He tumbled from the bushes into a small park. There were only a few people here as it was still quite early. One of them was an old homeless man sitting on the farthest bench. He watched Kyouya in an unsettling manor.

"He will come for you," said the man as Kyouya stumbled past him.

"What?" he asked, freezing in his unsteady tracks.

"The one you think you are running from, he will come for you."

"I'm not running from anyone," Kyouya said defensively.

"You cannot run from yourself," the man told him.

"I can't stay with him," said Kyouya, his voice starting to shake. "It's what's best for him even though he doesn't understand. In the long run, it's best for him."

"You think you are being noble, but death is not a noble thing."

"I have to protect him," he replied sadly.

"He will protect you."

Kyouya stared at the seemingly crazy old man for a long moment before turning and staggering off again towards a street that was beginning to be flooded by early-morning traffic.

"You cannot go down the path of the forgotten yet for he still cares about you!" the old man called after him.

Kyouya shuddered. Although his body was weak and his mind muddled, he was still sure that that was one the strangest things that had ever happened to him. He wanted to turn back and sit with the old man and talk with him and find out how he knew such things. But he could not know such things. Kyouya shook himself mentally. The man was just speaking nonsense and Kyouya was interpreting it to fit his situation.

The weak young man crossed the street.

He found himself facing an alley that was still dark despite the fact that dawn had come and gone. He wandered down it.

Kyouya was struck by a sudden burst of energy. He started to run down a twisting path to somewhere no one could find him. He didn't know where he was going, but he knew that when he got there he would be utterly alone and that he would never leave wherever it was. He was quickly becoming exhausted, but he kept going, kept pushing forwards until he met a dead end. He was there; he had reached his destination.

He collapsed once more on cold pavement. He felt his already damaged glasses knocked off his face and heard them clatter on the concrete. His laptop slipped from his grip and fell away into the shadows of buildings that kept the alley in an eternal dusk. He lay still on his side.

He was alone and he would remain alone forever.

He could feel his consciousness starting to slip away and he did not struggle to keep hold of it. He just lay there allowing it to seep away like water in his cupped hands.

It didn't matter.

Nothing mattered.

It was finally over.

Kyouya's eyelids fell shut, blocking out his blurry view of the dirty pavement. As he fell away into unconsciousness, it did not occur to him that he should try to stay awake to listen for frantic footfalls and the old man's words lay forgotten in the darkening recesses of his mind.

In his last moments of awareness, he rolled over onto his back as if to bid the hidden sun farewell. He was so close to nothingness that he barely felt the stabbing pain in his side and certainly did not bother to wonder what it meant.


	14. Chapter 14

"Kyouya!" Tamaki half shouted, half begged through his tears. "Kyouya, come on, Kyouya!"

He couldn't be...

Tamaki shook him gently, but Kyouya did not respond. He shook his friend a little harder.

Nothing.

Had he been too late? Had the man been lying? Had Tamaki's love for his friend not been strong enough?

"Kyouya!" shouted Tamaki in deepest agony as his body fell over that of his friend. "No," he muttered, his voice suddenly a whisper. "No."

Hot tears were burning his eyes and he had nothing to hide anymore so he let them flow, running down his cheeks onto Kyouya's horrible still chest.

Tamaki started to wrap his arms around the still body. One arm came into contact with something warm and slightly sticky on Kyouya's left side. Tamaki drew back in horror.

His fingers were covered in his best friend's blood, which was seeping from under his friend's body, staining his clothes and pooling by his side. Tamaki stared at his hand. It was morbidly ironic, to say the least, that he should actually have Kyouya's blood on his hands when it was his fault his friend was- was..

Tamaki felt gingerly around below the back of Kyouya's ribcage until his fingertips touched the edge of a large piece of glass that was sticking out of the gagged, bloody gash.

Kyouya gasped as a stabbing pain pieced his entire body, spreading like a poisonous web from his side. His eyes shot open. He saw something pale hovering above his face, but did not know what it might be. From a long way off, he heard someone gasping his name in joyful shock.

"Kyouya!" the far-off voice exclaimed.

Kyouya coughed and felt something hot and wet spew weakly from his mouth. He forced his tongue to move and tasted blood.

"Oh my god! Kyouya!" cried the voice in horror. "That's...!"

Kyouya squinted and saw that the pale thing was a face. It was pale, possibly from fear, and seemed to have blond hair. Kyouya was vaguely aware that he knew the owner of the face.

"But you're alive and that's all that matters. I can call for help and everything will be Okay. You're going to be Okay," the pale person assured Kyouya and himself. Kyouya was now fairly sure the voice was male. Where did he know that voice from?

"I was so scared when I found you, Kyouya. I thought you were- were-," he took a deep, shuddering breath. "But you're not, so it doesn't matter." The face smiled a tinny smile.

Kyouya wanted to ask the young man who he was, but he was too weak to find his voice.

"You can hear me, can't you?" he asked, suddenly very frightened again. "Say something. Please! Talk to me Kyouya. Can you hear me, Kyouya? Do _something_!"

Then the young man moved his head and the light hit his face. And Kyouya knew. Once he recognized the face and the voice he instantly wished he hadn't. Why the hell was he here? Couldn't a guy die in peace in this city?

Kyouya coughed up again and felt more blood on his lips.

"What," he began in the faintest of furious whispers, "are you," he gasped for breath, "doing here?" He would have glared at Tamaki's blurry face, but the effort of speaking had drained him too much to even keep his eyes open.

"Kyouya! Oh thank god!" Tamaki beamed at him. "I came to find you, of course."

"Go away," Kyouya muttered through teeth clenched against the pain.

"Don't be stupid," said Tamaki fearfully. "I'm going to save you. You're going to be Okay. Everything's going to be Okay"

"Idiot. _You're_ being stupid," murmured Kyouya. "Nothing's Okay anymore." His speech was halting and broken.

"Don't say that!" insisted Tamaki. "I'll make it better."

"You can't. Nothing can."

"Don't waist your strength saying such stupid stuff. Be still and I'll call for help." He fumbled for his phone.

"Don't," said Kyouya sharply, forcing his eyes open again.

"But Kyouya, you'll," Tamaki began his voice filled with tears and dread.

"That's kind of the point," he said with a twisted sort of smile as he remembered Haruhi.

"No," Tamaki gasped, tears rolling down his cheeks once more and chocking his voice.

"Let it go, Tamaki," whispered Kyouya. His voice sounded stronger now, but only because he was devoting more of his strength to it rather than to staying alive.

"You called me Tamaki," he said with a tearful smile.

"I'm not thinking very clearly."

"No, you're not. Let me call for help!"

"I'm in no condition to stop you," Kyouya pointed out.

Tamaki sighed.

"I don't want you to hate me," he admitted.

"Tamaki, I love you," said Kyouya, his voice the strongest it had been in a while. "Nothing can change that. But it's not good for you," his voice was starting to falter now. "It has to be this way."

"No, it doesn't! Not here, not now, not ever!" Tamaki said through his tears.

"Tamaki," Kyouya sighed with a smile. "I'm dead the others already."

"No!" cried Tamaki desperately. "No! Please don't!"

But Kyouya eyes had fallen shut again and his ragged breathing was slowing even more.

"Kyouya, no, please, no!"

Kyouya's lips formed the word "Tamaki," but he could make not sound. Then he was still.

Tamaki stared in utter horror and agony. He was frozen with no idea of what to do. His friend's blood was staining his clothing, but he hadn't noticed. Through his shock me managed to find a few words to whisper.

"Kyouya, don't leave me. _Mon ami_." He bent closer to Kyouya, his lips brushed those of his friend as he spoke. "_Mon __amour_."

_I hope the French is right. I meant "my friend" and "my love," but I don't really know any French._


	15. Chapter 15

As his lips touched Kyouya's, Tamaki thought he heard the soft fluttering of eyelashes in the silent alley. Even though he knew it was wishful thinking, the prince-type boy pulled his head away just far enough so that he could look at Kyouya's face.

His eyes were open.

He was alive.

Although he hadn't the strength to speak, his eyes asked the question as clearly as his lips wanted to.

"Did you really mean that?" Kyouya's eyes asked Tamaki.

"I'm so sorry," whispered Tamaki.

"You didn't mean it," sighed Kyouya's eyes in hurt resignation.

"That's not what I meant," said Tamaki quickly.

"Oh?" asked the eyes coldly.

"What I meant was, I'm sorry you had to go through this. It's all my fault. If I'd realized sooner, none of this would have happened," he explained.

"What are you saying?" asked Kyouya's eyes cautiously. He couldn't possibly mean...

"_Je t'aime_."

"Tamaki," Kyouya somehow managed to gasp.

"Shh," Tamaki said, stroking Kyouya's hair gently. "Can I call for help now?" he asked with a faint smile despite that fact that his love was still dying.

Kyouya's eyes have a weak laugh.

"Anything you like, love," they told Tamaki.

Tamaki smiled as he punched the buttons on his phone with shaking fingers.

_I seriously considered killing Kyouya, but I like him too much. The French should mean, "I love you." Again, I hope I got it right. _


	16. Chapter 16

"Do you want me to call everyone else so that they can see you now that you're awake?" Tamaki asked Kyouya as he sat beside his hospital bed.

"No," said Kyouya. The word was slightly slurred, but he'd been assured that this was only an effect of the anesthetic he'd been give while his side had been stitched up and would wear off shortly.

"You sure?" Tamaki inquired. "It's kinda gloomy." He made a face at the drab walls of the windowless room and thought of how Hunny could brighten the place up with his presence alone.

"Not with you here," Kyouya said with a smile. His speech was starting to straighten out as the drugs wore off.

Tamaki blushed.

"Thank you," said Kyouya after a minute.

"For what?" asked Tamaki.

"For saving me," Kyouya said as if it were very obvious, which he thought it was.

"What did you expect me to do? Let you die?" He continued quickly before Kyouya could answer. "Anyway, it's not like I did I lot."

"I was going to die, but I didn't because of you" Kyouya pointed out. "I'd call that a lot."

Tamaki's blush grew.

"Well, I'm glad to hear you're happy to be alive. You weren't too thrilled about it earlier." He tried to toss it off lightly, but Kyouya's face darkened.

"We're really screwed, aren't we?" he said darkly. "Well, _I'm_ really screwed at any rate. _You_ don't have to be, but, knowing you as I do, I'm betting you'll rush to my defense and end up getting yourself in a lot of trouble."

"Of course I will," said Tamaki with a smirk. "You didn't think I was just going to do nothing, did you?"

"Well, what do you propose I do?" asked Kyouya in mild annoyance. "I can't go home – hell, I don't even _have_ a home anymore."

"I don't see why _we_ need to do anything," said Tamaki, his smirk growing into a grin.

"And why's that?" Kyouya inquired. "And what on earth is so-?"

He turned to look at the doorway that Tamaki seemed to find so amusing and gasped.

His father was standing there with his elder brothers and sister right behind him. His siblings were all pale and scared looking, but his father's only show of worry was his presence, which spoke volumes within itself.

Kyouya stared at them in shock, but soon recovered his usual cool and pushed himself into a more upright position than his current slumping sit.

"To what do I owe the honor of a visit from Ootori family?" he asked coolly, trying not to feel foolish in his hospital gown.

"Oh Kyouya!" cried Fuyumi, flinging herself past their father and to Kyouya's bedside. "The hospital called and said you were in critical condition. I thought," her voice cracked, "I thought I'd never see you again. I thought you were going to die!"

"I was," he said icily, looking past his sister to his father. "Plans went awry."

"Kyouya?" she whispered fearfully.

Tamaki discreetly squeezed Kyouya's hand for an instant as if to remind him of the love that had kept him alive.

Kyouya and his father watched each other for a long moment before Kyouya's second oldest brother stepped smartly past their father and into the room.

"Feeling alright, Kyouya?" he asked, trying to keep the concern from his voice.

"I just woke up after having a rather large hole in my side sewn up and having a good bit of my blood replaced, but other than that I'm just great."

The young man smiled as he joined Fuyumi by the bed. His little brother wouldn't be acting like this if he truly felt bad.

Tamaki smiled uncertainly at the members of the Ootori family in the room. They all glanced at the two men who were still in the hall.

The oldest of the Ootori brothers cast his father a look that was somewhere between uncertainty and defiant stubbornness before joining his brothers and sister.

"We were all really worried about you, Kyouya."

Kyouya made a "that's total BS" face, but said nothing.

The Ootori children turned as one to look at their father. Tamaki also looked in the imposing man's direction, but he was half a beat off.

"Well father?" prompted the eldest of his sons.

Ootori Yoshio stared coldly at his children for a long moment. They all stared back. Tamaki watched all of them, suddenly quite fearful that he would not accept Kyouya back into his family. Just when Tamaki thought the tension between the man and his children could grow no greater, Ootori Yoshio stepped forward into Kyouya's hospital room.

The older Ootori children stepped back to allow their father access to the bed. Kyouya bowed respectfully as best he could in his weak and injured state. For a horrible instant after Kyouya had raised his head, but not his eyes, Tamaki was sure his father was going to strike him. He'd lifted his hand, but did not pull it back; instead he laid his hand on his youngest child's shoulder. He did not smile, but he never did.

"You're going to be alright?" he asked stiffly.

"Yes father," Kyouya answered in a submissive tone that seemed most out of character to Tamaki.

"Good," he said taking his hand back. "It would not do for one of my sons to die in such a graphic manner."

"No father," agreed Kyouya passively while inside he was beaming and leaping for joy like Tamaki would. His father was taking him back. He slowly raised his eyes unsure what expression he would see on his father's face.

A nurse appeared in the doorway, cutting the reunion short.

"Oh!" she gasped at the sight of the whole Ootori family. "I was just going to check on Kyouya-san," she said, embarrassed. "I can come back."

"No, go right ahead," said one of Kyouya's brothers kindly.

"When will we be able to take him home?" asked Kyouya's father.

_Whada know? Looks like a happy ending. I had no idea what poor Tamaki and Kyouya were going to do when I started writing this chapter. I thought about sending them off the France or America, but then I got this idea, which is much nicer (at least I think it is), although it is a bit __lame. _


	17. Chapter 17

Luckily for the Host Club, Kyouya was a fast healer. If he hadn't been, he might not have made in back to Ouran before summer vacation. It was only two weeks before break when Tamaki announced the Club to be officially up and running again.

Half an hour before the Host Club doors were opened, the members were all running rather franticly about as they tried to prepare the recently unused room for their guests. Kyouya was still not at a hundred percent, but he directed the cleaning and rearranging of furniture from a couch. His side was sore and scarred, but his strength had returned quickly. Tamaki had wanted to do something grand and crazy, but Kyouya had managed to stop him by saying that he still felt too weak to arrange such a thing. The truth was he just didn't want to deal with it (not to mention going on "break" had screwed up their budget). Anyway, Tamaki looked so damn cute in the Ouran uniform, why mess with a good thing?

"Kyouya?" called Tamaki from the middle of the room where the other hosts were congregated. "Could you come here for a sec?"

Kyouya rose from his sofa by the window and went to see what Tamaki was on about this time.

"What is it?" he asked with a sigh as he faced the odd row of hosts before him.

"We thought you should have this back now. It's been here since the day we thought we'd lost you," Tamaki told him with downcast eyes and a slight blush.

The hosts stepped aside to reveal Kyouya's notebook on the table where it had been left.

Kyouya stepped forward in slight shock. He reached out and took the black notebook. He lifted it slowly while his friends watched with bated breath. He examined it, opening the cover and leafing through the pages. Then he snapped it shut and turned briskly to face his waiting fellows.

"Well? Is that your pose for our costumers?" he demanded. "Come on or we're going to be late."

The Host Club beamed at him. They had the Kyouya they thought they'd lost back. Even Haruhi smiled at him, despite the fact that he'd stolen her boyfriend.

The hosts took their places and the Host Club was declared open once more.

_This was going to be the end, but there hasn't been any good Tamaki/Kyouya scenes so I wrote one more chapter._


	18. Chapter 18

Despite his obsession with work, Kyouya loved summer vacation, this year more than ever. This summer was different. Instead of dreading that his sister would call, "Kyouya, your friend's here!" and that Tamaki would drag him around to the most ridiculous places far too early in the morning, Kyouya eagerly awaited Tamaki's visits. Of course, he had to hide his joy when the blond came from his family, but the instant they were out of sight of the house it all changed.

Today Tamaki had decided that they should go to an open-air commoners' mall. Tamaki was of course absolutely thrilled by the notion of going to such a place, but he was always thrilled no matter where they went.

As the two young men strolled down the street, Tamaki babbling excitedly about a movie theatre they should go to and god know what else, Kyouya couldn't have been happier. School had been out for weeks and he'd seen Tamaki almost every day and yet he could still barely believe this was really happening to him. Not even two months ago he'd been dying alone down a dirty alley, cast out by his family, hating Haruhi with every fiber of his being, and deepest agony at his unrequited love for his best friend, but now he was strolling down a sunny street with Tamaki, away from his family's house only for the day, his friendship with Haruhi restored, and Tamaki's hand intertwined with his own. Kyouya looked down at their hands for only a moment, but Tamaki saw the flick of his eyes and squeezed his hand. Their eyes meant and they smiled.

Kyouya suddenly remembered when he'd seen Tamaki and Haruhi kissing, how they'd sat later the same night in the Third Music Room, and how he'd bitterly thought that he'd dreamed of making Tamaki that happy. Kyouya frowned at the thought.

"What is it?" asked Tamaki with gentle concern.

"Nothing," Kyouya said a bit too quickly.

"Oh come on, don't lie to me." Tamaki made an adorable and irresistible face.

Kyouya moved to kiss him, but Tamaki dodged.

"Tell me what's wrong," he said stubbornly.

Kyouya sighed a little more heavily than Tamaki would have expected.

"You wanted to kiss me that bad, huh?" he asked in an effort to lighten the suddenly darkening mood.

"No," Kyouya began, but, in response to Tamaki's hurt, puppy dog eyes, quickly added, "well yes, that too, but I was just thinking of that night in the Host Club."

"Which night?" Tamaki asked still lightly although he knew exactly which night.

"You looked so happy," Kyouya continued because he knew Tamaki knew which night he was talking about. "I was so sure you'd never been so happy in your life and I remember thinking how I'd dreamed of seeing you that happy," Kyouya blushed slightly, "but, of course, I'd been dreaming of seeing you that happy with me."

"Kyouya," whispered Tamaki.

"Were you?" Kyouya asked.

"Was I...?"

"Were you the happiest you'd ever been?"

"I-," Tamaki stammered, trying to think of what to say and how to say it. "So much else happened that night, I'd almost forgotten when we were just sitting around," he said running the fingers of his free hand through his hair.

"Guess you still can read my mind," noted Kyouya with a smile at Tamaki's ability to know exactly what he was talking about.

"I _was_ happy. I was so happy," Tamaki continued as if he hadn't heard Kyouya, which he probably hadn't as he was so lost in thought. "But now," he made a little noise that was half laugh, half sigh, "I have no idea why. It's like someone else's memory, like a movie, I don't know. Those feelings don't seem real anymore."

"I know exactly what you mean," said Kyouya who was too lost in thought to be struck by how odd it was for Tamaki to be this deep about anything. "Looking back, I can't imagine why I did all that stupid, _stupid_ shit." He sighed.

"Hey," said Tamaki, raising a hand and brushing Kyouya's dark bangs from his grey eyes, "it brought us together, right?"

Kyouya returned his smile.

"Yeah, I guess it did."

Kyouya wrapped an arm once more around Tamaki's waist, pulling him close. Tamaki's arms wound about Kyouya's waist and neck as the dark-haired boy ran his fingertips along the blond's jaw. Resting his hand of the pale cheek, Kyouya gently brought Tamaki's slightly bowed head up so that their eyes meant.

"_Je t'aime_," Kyouya whispered.

"Since when do you know French?" exclaimed Tamaki excitedly.

"I'm working on it," replied Kyouya with a slightly wicked smile.

"Kyouya-," Tamaki began.

"You talk too much," said Kyouya in a playfully annoyed voice.

"No, I don-!" Tamaki tried to say, but he was cut off by Kyouya pressing his lips firmly against those of his lover.

Tamaki's eyes widen for an instant before closing as he relaxed into enjoyment. Kyouya held him there for a moment, but he soon pulling his lips from Tamaki's long enough to whisper, "Yes, you do," before returning to kissing the blond in broad daylight, in the middle of an open mall, surrounded by commoners.

_I guess I should be more careful with this,_ Kyouya thought. _If my father finds out he really will kick me out of the family._ He sighed inwardly. _This is worth it by far. I know I can't live without him, but, with a little bit of stealth, I think I can live with this._

END.

_Yay! That was incredibly long so thanks so much to anyone who bothered to read all of it. I guess I got a little carried away. Hope you liked it! (Remember the U2 song this is inspired by? Apparently I can't put a link in this, but there's a youtube video called With or Without Tamaki that uses the song and pairing from the story - check it out.)_


	19. Part II Preview

Kyouya had always been a good liar. He had spent his whole life carefully concealing his emotions and not letting anyone see how he truly felt. He had even come to enjoy it in a strange sort of way. He got a certain sense of power when he let people think something that wasn't true. He liked being able to distort the views of others. It had never really bothered him at all.

Until now.

Now he hated it.

He hated living a double life. He hated covering up who he was. He hated hiding the most important thing in his life.

However, if he wanted to keep that thing, keep it safe, he had to.

He had to protect Tamaki.

--

**OK, so I'm doing a sequel to _With or Without You_**** because I liked it and other people seemed to like it and I, for one, want to know how Tamaki and Kyouya are going to deal with this. (I don't know yet.) Anyway, part II is called ****_Walk On_**** and it picks up when they're back at school. I'm probably going to be slow getting it written because of school and everything, but I hope you'll check it out. **


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